Alone and Forgotten

"Dear Darkness" - How many of my thoughts start out lately.
Im slowly and painfully still working my way out of this depressing that still keeps a firm hold on me. Fighting to stay away from anything that may cause it to grow worse. Also, trying to think less, and do more without drifting away to my own little world. This has proven extreamly difficult, and to keep from doing so, I try to keep myself busy with various things.
Ive started reading again, which is helpful. Thank goodnezz.

I miss talking to certain close friend of mine ...
Still no internet, and doesn't bother to call, or text, anymore.
*Sigh*
No one understands how I feel, or what I am going through. They all shake there heads and regard me with a "oh brother, get over it!".
...
He's the only person who understands me more than anyone else, and he never turns me away. Always listens to me rant, vent and go on and on about nothing at all.
Tho he doesn't say much, sometimes im thankful he listens.
I do miss him.
At the same time ...
Im angry with him...

I feel forgotten by everyone. Lost in the Darkness that overwhelms me and my thoughts. Dragging my down farther and farther into the depression - sinking into the never ending depths - to the Abyss I go ... heh.

Things will get better ... wont they?
I wish ... I wish to have someone near ... to help take my thoughts else where and keep my feet planted firmly on the ground - not to let my mind wander and keep me from sinking.



Help me...

Roots of Love?

I just finished up watching the Manga series Vampire Knight.
It's my absalute favorite Manga ever!
Well, I watched all episodes of season 1 and 2, and now, im depressed.
Isn't it funny ... how you can love something sooo much, and hate it at the same time?
Things like Vampire Knight, have me soo caught up in it, that I never want to stop reading (or in this case, watching) to see what happens next. Ive thought today, that perhaps (and this will sound silly) im jelious of characters who do not and cannot excist...Funny,eh?
Well - Love, I guess, is a powerful thing. Just wish that I could have something close to that of what Yuuki (in Vampire Knight) has... ^-^; Heh...Heh...

DOOM!

Maybe someday I will have something like that. Time will tell...



It use to make me angery, seeing couples together. Watching them embrace one another, laughing together, and all that. Anger ... hmm, Jelious.
I still feel that way sometimes, tho im trying to teach myself not to feel that way towards them. Tho im in a relationship at the time, it's difficult. Complicated and just plain difficult.
I cannot do any of the above with him ^-^ simply because he's not close enough. Never will be.
I don't know how much longer I can take this pain - the distance is too much and people around me suffer because im so depressed a good part of the time.
I need to change.
If not for me, for everyone else.

<3