The Home Stretch

I just wanted to make quick note that I've been given up on by one of my friends. I'm surprisingly OK. I mean, I'm sad it had to happen, yeah, but it happened and I think it was pretty much inevitable.
I don't blame him either. I'd be really pissed and want to be done with me too after all that's gone down. I just hoped that it didn't have to come down to this. But, I'll get through it and everythings going to be okay.

I'm looking back and moving ahead.

It's just too much!

[[Oh sweet darkness...how you've hung around today]]

Two venting blog posts in one day?! Omfg.
Alrighty. So I'm SLIGHTLY better, but a far cry from being fine. I'm really sad that no one is taking my feelings into perspective. Everyone goes at eachother (whether it's to each other, or through me) and it doesn't even seem like they care about how this is going to effect me. :(

I'm not mad at anyone. I'm just really sad, stressed and scared.
I'm afraid of loosing a friend. Afraid of loosing someone I love. Stressed over all this ... all this fucking bull shit. God damn I'm sick of this shit >:/

I wanna get away from it all.
I'm going to take the advice I got a week or so ago, and think of what's best for myself before I go around and make sure everyone else is okay. I've never thought of what's truely best for myself, before I made sure someone else was okay with whatever problem they had. Seeing as no one else cares anyway - or seems to - I mine as well watch over myself :/

But yeah...I have feelings too...

Torn

For the past 2 weeks or so, there has been nothing but drama.

What kind of drama? Put it this way - it involves me and 2 guys. Yep.

Today, I just thought of how well this situation is alike for Bella, in Twilight. I know it's silly to compair something to something that's not really (and Twilight amongst other things!) but it just suddenly occured to me that it did.

Both Edward and Jacob love her, and she loves them too - except her love for Jacob was more of the love for a brother or something I think she said in the book. I guess that's kinda how I feel right now...I think. So many things going through my head right now.

I don't want either of them mad at me for what I choose to do, or hate me even.

Why is it so wrong for me to talk to them both? Can't either of them accept it. That this is who I am and I talk to anyone who's my friend?

I'm -in love- with one of'm, and my heart stays true to that. But am I not allowed to talk to the other friend? It just makes me sad...I'm trying to trust people here, so that things can work out. Then I'm trying to be myself, and stay commited to one person, so that they can trust me back.

I just hate when people are mad at me for being myself. I can't help it. If my friend wants to talk to me and the other friend gets mad, then wheres the trust here? :(

I just want to be happy. And them to be happy to.

If that means not talking to either of them again because that's what they choose, then I hope they're happy. Even if it'll kill me.