Wooooo scratch that last post - the toppish part.
FUCK IT ALL. z.z (*$(*$&%(*#$&%($5
-.-
Monday, May 10, 2010
All's well
It's funny that I should be posting another blog so soon. But I need to jot down my feelings now while I'm still feeling them (that sounded silly..)
I finally got the courage to come out and ask my bf what those picture comments were about. After he told me, I felt slightly relieved but still really upset. But now, a few days after we talked about it, I feel a lot better. At least now I know why he did it and he was sorry - at least he understood how it made me feel.
Now....I need to talk with him again about other things ;.; we'll see if I can manage to get myself to speak up and talk with him about these things (no, I'm not sharing them with you guys, sorry.) He's been busy with something lately though, and it's been taking a lot of concentration and time and it sounds pretty stressful. I didn't talk to him a whole lot last week because of it, but after he's finished with it, I'll see him more and stuff :)
I plan to talk then, about the 'things'.
But yeah, a huge thank you to Lucas (TYSM!!) for helping me out and letting me vent my troubles. Your a awersome friend :)
On another note, I'm getting that jaw surgery on May 26th. It's coming up so fast and what's even coming up faster is school being over! I graduate May 28th....HAHAHA....I'll be in the hospital on my graduation. Oboy what fun. Anywho, I have a shit load of homework that NEEDS to be completed before May 26th since I wont be able to do it while I'm in the hospital.
Ooooooh this summer is going to be down right interesting, to say the least.
June....
I'll be 18....
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
I hate this feeling
I've no pictures or video to add to this blog. I tried a few times to get a post to post with a few pictures in it, and gave up in the end because it was soooo messed up after a while, it just didn't matter anymore.
I am fine by day, happy when it gets dark out, and then end up real sad when it gets late. I - Hate - That.
I have a boyfriend now, have had since April 7th (2010).
He wanted to keep the relationship between us, because ... well, he lives in Mass. and I live in Wisc. So we don't exactly live nearby. I see long distance relationships helpful, in a way that you learn more about a person online than you would in person. You have time to process what they say/do online easier than in person. But anyway, I'm really happy I finally have someone again and when I say happy, I mean, I'm happy.
He's one of the sweetest guys I know. He's helped me by ways I cannot explain clearly, to feel better about myself and open up more so I don't feel quite as self concious.
Him and his friends.
So, from when I go from fine to happy in the day, well - when I talk to him around 6ish-10ish, I'm really happy. Because I can finally talk to him and see what he's up to. I mean, we never say too much (probably my fault :/ I have trouble keeping conversation) but it's still good either way.
After he logs off to sleep and such, I get saddish. Obviously I want to talk to him more and I regret not getting myself to say more when he was online. But I quickly tell myself that I will talk to him tomorrow and I can think of more to talk about then! :)
FaceBook usually ruins the happy mood for me. I hate myself for being so damn jealous...
I check my friends walls on FB when I've nothing better to do, and I usually start with his page. Today, I found comments he left on pictures that made me so upset :( it's terrible. I don't think I should be feeling this way towards the comments, but I cannot help it!
I have, about 8 pictures on FB (I hate taking pictures of myself because of the fact I'm not pretty) and I only get a few comments here and there. If any at all.
Well, out of those pictures, I got 2 comments from him. Which is fine, I wont complain :) I'm happy with one. And they were just regular comments you know, like - one was about my eyes and then another was on a picture I actually smiled in...yeah anyway. Ahem.
But - I see he commented some other girls pictures too - several pictures. And he's saying stuff like she's so sexy and hott and :( stuff like that, and that pretty much killed me inside a bit.
I don't know if that's something I can handle. It's a silly thing to get worked up about, yes, but...if you were me, and you sawr your bf/gf posting comments like that on some other girl/guys photos, what would you think?
I think, in my other relationships before, I let myself get carried away by putting myself down infront of the guy and I know if I was him, I'd feel really awkward and probably know that the relationship was going to be too hard and not worth it in the end.
But I feel like shit now about how I look. I know I def. will NEVER look as good as the girl he commented pictures on. Not even close.
I want to crawl in a hole, and die there, now.
I am fine by day, happy when it gets dark out, and then end up real sad when it gets late. I - Hate - That.
I have a boyfriend now, have had since April 7th (2010).
He wanted to keep the relationship between us, because ... well, he lives in Mass. and I live in Wisc. So we don't exactly live nearby. I see long distance relationships helpful, in a way that you learn more about a person online than you would in person. You have time to process what they say/do online easier than in person. But anyway, I'm really happy I finally have someone again and when I say happy, I mean, I'm happy.
He's one of the sweetest guys I know. He's helped me by ways I cannot explain clearly, to feel better about myself and open up more so I don't feel quite as self concious.
Him and his friends.
So, from when I go from fine to happy in the day, well - when I talk to him around 6ish-10ish, I'm really happy. Because I can finally talk to him and see what he's up to. I mean, we never say too much (probably my fault :/ I have trouble keeping conversation) but it's still good either way.
After he logs off to sleep and such, I get saddish. Obviously I want to talk to him more and I regret not getting myself to say more when he was online. But I quickly tell myself that I will talk to him tomorrow and I can think of more to talk about then! :)
FaceBook usually ruins the happy mood for me. I hate myself for being so damn jealous...
I check my friends walls on FB when I've nothing better to do, and I usually start with his page. Today, I found comments he left on pictures that made me so upset :( it's terrible. I don't think I should be feeling this way towards the comments, but I cannot help it!
I have, about 8 pictures on FB (I hate taking pictures of myself because of the fact I'm not pretty) and I only get a few comments here and there. If any at all.
Well, out of those pictures, I got 2 comments from him. Which is fine, I wont complain :) I'm happy with one. And they were just regular comments you know, like - one was about my eyes and then another was on a picture I actually smiled in...yeah anyway. Ahem.
But - I see he commented some other girls pictures too - several pictures. And he's saying stuff like she's so sexy and hott and :( stuff like that, and that pretty much killed me inside a bit.
I don't know if that's something I can handle. It's a silly thing to get worked up about, yes, but...if you were me, and you sawr your bf/gf posting comments like that on some other girl/guys photos, what would you think?
I think, in my other relationships before, I let myself get carried away by putting myself down infront of the guy and I know if I was him, I'd feel really awkward and probably know that the relationship was going to be too hard and not worth it in the end.
But I feel like shit now about how I look. I know I def. will NEVER look as good as the girl he commented pictures on. Not even close.
I want to crawl in a hole, and die there, now.
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