I've no pictures or video to add to this blog. I tried a few times to get a post to post with a few pictures in it, and gave up in the end because it was soooo messed up after a while, it just didn't matter anymore.
I am fine by day, happy when it gets dark out, and then end up real sad when it gets late. I - Hate - That.
I have a boyfriend now, have had since April 7th (2010).
He wanted to keep the relationship between us, because ... well, he lives in Mass. and I live in Wisc. So we don't exactly live nearby. I see long distance relationships helpful, in a way that you learn more about a person online than you would in person. You have time to process what they say/do online easier than in person. But anyway, I'm really happy I finally have someone again and when I say happy, I mean, I'm happy.
He's one of the sweetest guys I know. He's helped me by ways I cannot explain clearly, to feel better about myself and open up more so I don't feel quite as self concious.
Him and his friends.
So, from when I go from fine to happy in the day, well - when I talk to him around 6ish-10ish, I'm really happy. Because I can finally talk to him and see what he's up to. I mean, we never say too much (probably my fault :/ I have trouble keeping conversation) but it's still good either way.
After he logs off to sleep and such, I get saddish. Obviously I want to talk to him more and I regret not getting myself to say more when he was online. But I quickly tell myself that I will talk to him tomorrow and I can think of more to talk about then! :)
FaceBook usually ruins the happy mood for me. I hate myself for being so damn jealous...
I check my friends walls on FB when I've nothing better to do, and I usually start with his page. Today, I found comments he left on pictures that made me so upset :( it's terrible. I don't think I should be feeling this way towards the comments, but I cannot help it!
I have, about 8 pictures on FB (I hate taking pictures of myself because of the fact I'm not pretty) and I only get a few comments here and there. If any at all.
Well, out of those pictures, I got 2 comments from him. Which is fine, I wont complain :) I'm happy with one. And they were just regular comments you know, like - one was about my eyes and then another was on a picture I actually smiled in...yeah anyway. Ahem.
But - I see he commented some other girls pictures too - several pictures. And he's saying stuff like she's so sexy and hott and :( stuff like that, and that pretty much killed me inside a bit.
I don't know if that's something I can handle. It's a silly thing to get worked up about, yes, but...if you were me, and you sawr your bf/gf posting comments like that on some other girl/guys photos, what would you think?
I think, in my other relationships before, I let myself get carried away by putting myself down infront of the guy and I know if I was him, I'd feel really awkward and probably know that the relationship was going to be too hard and not worth it in the end.
But I feel like shit now about how I look. I know I def. will NEVER look as good as the girl he commented pictures on. Not even close.
I want to crawl in a hole, and die there, now.
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You said 'you have time to precess what they say/do online easier than in person'. Thats good, of course, as it's easier to think about what to say before you say it… but i suppose it has it's downsides when you over think things. *shrug*.
ReplyDeleteI'm gonna try to be careful with what I say with this. But, "when I say happy, I mean, I'm happy". I guess that's all that matters. You're happy. remember that. Hold on to that feeling.
I can understand the gloom descending once he's gone offline. But you need to focus on when he is there… and, as you're doing, when you'll next see him.
For a start, jealousy is natural. *shrug*. nothing you can do about it, I guess.
Don't say you're not pretty, kay. I'm sure I can esily find a lot of people who've seen picso f you who think you're pretty, so… so there.
I'm gonna stay away from talking about his comments on those other girls, because it'd probably not be pretty friendly… but, anyway. I guess the thing to focus on is that, at the end of the day… he's *your* boyfriend… and he makes you happy. That's all that matters.
But yeah. FWIW, there are a lot of people out there who think you're hot.
And don't die, kaythnxbye.
BE HAPPY! =D