I really never actually gave much thought to how I would die. Really.
To be perfectly honest, I've thought of suicide plenty of times - thought of it seriously - since I was around 15 years old, give or take.
Today only have I really started to think of what way I would prefer to die...
I really don't want to die of old age. I can't even imagine myself living past the age of 25-30.
I cannot imagine myself happy!
What good is life when your depressed all the time? What good is it when there is only one time a week or a month, even, when you actually feel happy!?
I try and try to tell myself to enjoy the little things in life, and to live in the moment. But, try as I may, it never really works.
I'm broken, inside and out. And no one can fix me.
Hypothermia.
Curious. I wonder just how long it would take for you to actually die from hypothermia.
Icey cold, December weather. Freezing waters. No one around for miles.
You just need to get in for a few minutes, and get out. That's all it takes.
Then it starts.
The shivers that in time, become violent. Feeling dizzy, and staggering on your feet. Not able to think clearly.
Time passes, walking becomes nearly impossible and you just simply...shut down.
Your just going to rest a minute - to catch your breath. Maybe, just close your eyes, just a moment. Your so tired, but the shivering finally stopped, making it easier to relax and to close your eyes for a moment.
And...that's it.
It wouldn't be pleasant, but in the end, it would be peaceful enough.
I told myself there were things I wanted to do before I died. So many things ... they seem so impossible and far away now. Never going to be able to come true and it's something I'll never feel.
I don't like to cry.
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I know that feeling... Believe, I do. I deal with Death since I am a little child and in my life, seems it's the only way. But you know what?? It's never that easy...
ReplyDeleteAnd my favourite poet, a female who killed herself in the 30s, she once wrote: "Definitive Death? Or Figurative one? But what's the matter of what's going on the other side? Certainly, it's better than life... Anything's better than life!!"
We're not alone... People like us are never alone, we just never go through others like us... That's why you always see aliens when you're drunk... They'rs drunk tooo... Just never met other Alien on Earth and they're alone. :D
I'm so sorry if you read my entry and realise I'm totally highed, but that's the way I found to deal a bit better with Life... The feeeling of depression or sadness.... The feeling of despair and wanting to get out... The feeling of jumping off the window or shooting your brain, while you're pissing off all your pants of fear... Smoking hash, helps me to go through this limbo that's Life... Smoking tobacco, or drinking alcohol are some of those things. I smoke bot tobacco and hash, but I rarely drink... Sorry for annoying...