This Feeling...

I hate the overwhelming feeling of loneliness that I get every so often...I was doing so good for the past few weeks, and all of a sudden...I feel so drained, of life and happiness that, it's killing me, inside.
I don't want this.
I don't like this.

I found love again, I think.
Of course, the sacrifice to this love is the distance. Why do I always find love at a distance? It sucks in a way.
You can't be close to eachother. Comfort eachother. Kiss?
Things I've never had before, are constantally in my face - taunting me; "Ha-Ha! You can't have this! Your not fortunate enough, too bad for you!"

...........

I'm certain a lot of people go through this but...why. It's terrible.
I'm not doing this for attention, why would I?
Something as serious as love and affection shouldn't be taken lightly, or messed with.
It's.....beautiful.


I went to the doctor a few days ago - for one of those lame check-ups that your insurance holders badger you about to do every so often.
So I went.
Honestly, I've never gone to the doctors alone - Been terribly afraid of them my whole life. It's the smell, and I worry about things that I cannot control.
But after being in the room, waiting for the doctor to come in, I felt totally at ease...I was amazed at how calm I felt.
But I was showered in that mmm'...lonely, empty feeling. Then I just, I felt like my soul left my body and I was just...there.
I didn't care anymore.
It bothered me though, that the doctor (male) was making me feel totally uncomfortable though. I felt like I was being 'examind' by a creepy older man, who was only interested in young girls.
The staring, the much unneeded touching, and the talk...why in the world do you need to know why I don't have friends in my area?
Why does it matter that I go to school online and not in the public school?
You don't know me...Don't ask me questions like you do...Certainly don't touch me like you do. Even though you are a doctor, you are pushing the limits to the line.

The whole check-up probably only took...15 minutes, at the most. But it felt longer ... and the whole while I was just thinking about this person, and how I desperately wished he was there.
Yea...He.

After checking to see if I was okay, physically, the doctor stared talking to me about my life and such.
I must say, I dislike it when people stare at me (people I don't know) and he did it...a lot. Due to my ... issue (?) with eyecontact ... I looked away the entire time, even to answer him.
I have issues, maybe this lonely feeling is just one of my issues.



What do we live for...Why.
No one can see the future, so how do you know what your living for...is going to happy, or continue to happen.
What's the point?